Wednesday, April 30, 2003 10:34 AM
So...
My mother finally said yes to me living alone in Makati. At least we don't have to pay for the rent since she owns one small unit there. It's what I've always wanted, but now that the option is right in front of me, I am not excited at all. In fact, I'm reluctant to take the chance. Living in Makati would mean driving around like I know the place like the back of my hand, it would mean driving at night since I still want to do some productions in school that would entail late-night rehearsals, and getting a part-time job... hookay! Major changes coming my way. I should be excited. I should be relieved. Damn it, I should feel happy!!! So why do I feel like crap right now?
Probably because I only got a four-hour sleep on an office table (don't ask). Or probably because I know the intense level of maturity and responsibility this requires from me. And that frightens me. I would have to expect certain things from myself --- something I have never really practiced religiously. I don't expect anything exellent from myself.
So now I know what's wrong with me. Maybe this change will be a learning experience. Maybe this is my big "jolt of reality". Maybe this is the break I have been waiting for. Maybe this is my big chance to prove something to myself. Maybe this is the chance to finally tell my sister off that I'm not such the spoiled brat she thinks I am. Maybe this is the chance for me to get away from everything and start living my own life. Hmmm... what to do...
All I know is, that's a lot of maybes.
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 12:00 PM
The Things Parents Do
Or probably just the things my parents do. Can you believe they went behind my back and called up their friend in the admin and urged him to talk to the J-man about me? Grrrr… Well, the J-man practically told Dr. Dy that I was an “intelligent but unfocused student” and he is doing this to “discipline” me.
I got pissed with my mom. I knew she would do something like this. It’s like high school all over again. And people wonder why we have such a cat-and-dog relationship. Compared to my sister who would normally just shut up and lock herself in her room, I would be the activist who would literally fight for what I believe in, especially in instances where there’s a loophole in my mom’s arguments. (Probably got this from my dad).
What totally caught me off guard was my dad. He would always be on my side. He knows my temperaments, my principles when it comes to these things. He knows they shouldn’t meddle until I ask for their help. He knows how much I hate people who stick their noses in my own business. But he was the one who called up Dr. Dy.
Talk about betrayal. It’s funny though, now that I’ve thought about it. I texted him and asked why he called Dr. Dy up. His reply was: ”How did you find out? R u mad? U weren’t supposed to know.” Imagine a 72-year-old man squirming like a child whose hand got caught in the cookie jar.
Exactly.
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I am now marked as one of those students who tried to circumvent the orthodox rules of the university, and not because I wanted to. I am embarrassed.
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And what’s the deal with this “discipline”? I don’t really like the sound of this. What? He’s gonna keep me for another year? Actually, you know what? He can shove his MA up his flabby ass. I don’t want it.
Monday, April 28, 2003 11:08 PM
Implosive Anger
I watched Anger Management today with an old kabarkada. Overall, the movie was funny. Yet, this is what I really think: it’s fun, yeah sure, but then you’re not really missing anything if you don’t watch it. I learned something from the movie, though. There are two kinds of anger, according to Dr. Rydell (Jack Nicholson): explosive and implosive. He explained it in a real-life scenario of a cashier and a customer. The explosive type would be the customer who screams at the cashier for not giving the right change. The implosive type would be the cashier who just sits meekly and listens to the yelling customer, until eventually, he starts shooting everybody.
Cool.
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I seem to have all this free time. Actually, I’m just making time for the things I want to do since forever. I am being delinquent, I know. But then I was never known to have a social life (which is why I’m trying to rekindle old friendships). I would always sentence myself at home and just bum by reading something from my ever-growing collection of classical and contemporary literature or I watch cartoons and surf the net. I love the idea of being a loner. In college, I noticed that even though I have a lot of friends from the freshman batch to the super-seniors, I would always distance myself (but not intentionally) to do the stuff I want to do alone. I am not exactly trying to isolate myself from the world in my own ivory tower, I am a very approachable person, I befriend everybody, but like the true Sagittarian that I am, I would always go out and explore new horizons --- physically and mentally.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t value my friends. I do. And like all Sagittarians, I come back to those people who certainly have a good place in my heart.
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So what am I? Implosive or explosive? I think a little bit of both. I rarely lose my temper. I only get unreasonably mad at a person when my patience runs out --- and that never happens. If I do lose my temper, well… let’s just say the person I’m mad at should seriously look for cover and then rethink his existence.
Although, I do admit that most of the time, when people start pissing me off, I just shut up and not think about it. What if at some point in time, I’m going to blow up? Scary. Hehehe! But if ever, I'll start shooting people, the J-man better be right in front of me.
10:55 PM
Pol Eco Dilemma Revisited
A lot of things have happened in the Institute. Even if I made the decision to just become apathetic because nothing really happens when you complain, I have been hearing a lot of horror stories about the J-man and the course from my classmates unintentionally. I found out a number of things today, like for example, in my case I got a 2.58 in the exam, which the J-man rounded off to 3.0 in the final grade. But what I don’t understand is the fact that a classmate of mine got a 2.8 in the exam and got a final grade of 2.75. (No offense to this classmate, but) How weird is that? What makes it more weird was when this classmate asked the J-man about it, he just said that he’s giving the option of going to the masters and this 2.75 might help his GWA. Okay, so does this mean that he doesn’t want me to take the fifth year? I mean, what if I suddenly wake up and make an insane decision to take it? Would he personally stop me? And what’s worse is that if I do bring it up with the university and they reconsider to give me the INC grade, it would be hopeless since I know he would make sure to fail me in the final defense. I mean he already specified that I can’t consult him about my proposal. No consultations for a thesis proposal is a death sentence in itself.
What exactly happened in the first place? On the day of the final examination, he made an announcement to the people who opted (or were forced) to have an INC that the grade in the finals would determine the standing of the student for the entire subject. The passing grade is a 2.5. If you get a 2.5 or lower, you get an INC in your transcript. If you got higher than 2.5, you fail or, an automatic 3.0 in your transcript. Now do you see why this is such a big deal? If I get a 2.58, he could’ve rounded it off to a 2.5 considering how he rounded off the 2.8 into a 2.75.
There are still a lot of stories, more horrible than mine. But they’re not really for me to tell. This just goes to show how a university can fail its students.
Actually, this university already has.
Sunday, April 27, 2003 10:46 PM
Who moved my Cheese?
So I go to the mall, right? To meet my friend, who did not show. Not because she did it on purpose or anything like that, but her phone battery died and I couldn't contact her at all. I knew she would be late. I took my sweet time to buy her a grad present in powerbooks too, so the whole thing wasn't really surprising. Trust me, when you've been friends ever since the first day of high school, you'll discover how amazingly tolerant you are when these things happen. Besides, she promised to treat me to dinner next time we meet.
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I bought her this really cool book entitled "who moved my cheese?" by Johnson Spencer, MD. I recommend this to everyone, expecially when your life is taking the most unexpected and nastiest twists. The book is originally meant for managers. You can view some details of the book in this site. The main question after reading this is: which character are you? Are you Hem, Haw, Sniff or Scurry?
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I finally met Church Boy (or according to Laila: Lay-boy, hahaha!). His name is Elmer... I think I'll stick to calling him Church Boy --- I wouldn't do this if Ate Chona hadn't teased me about Elmer's glue after we were introduced.
Relatives.
So anyway, it was so obvious that he wanted to meet us. (WARNING: Writer may be conceited). I mean, of all things, why would he make sure to get introduced by his tito who suddenly became friendly with my cousin, hmmm??
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Ever had a crush on someone because you can't have him? Well, I never believed this concept before, but until today, I believe it. Ever heard of "The Rules"? Yes that book that so anti-feminist in my opinion. The book builds on the fact that men and women are challenged by the idea of pursuit. The reason why we are attracted to the opposite sex is that they are mysterious and cunning, we just have to have them. So how do we know it's love? I don't think the Rules can answer that. All I know is that when the chase is over, the challenge is gone and the "like" part slowly fades into oblivion. After meeting Church Boy this morning, I had this frightening thought in my mind: "Next!"
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Oooh... have I become a bitter person when it comes to the love department?
Maybe. But I do agree with Rule #1: Be a creature unlike any other.
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Anyway, visit the Rules here.
Saturday, April 26, 2003 1:04 PM
Men are like...
Men are like ........ Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like ......... Bananas ...... The older they get, theless firm they are.
Men are like ........ Vacations ..... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ........ Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet,smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ........ Coffee ...... The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.
Men are like ........ Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ......... Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ......... Popcorn ...... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ......... Snowstorms ..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ........ Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
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Couldn't resist posting this.
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Why is it so damn hard to forget?
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And to add:
Men are like ........ Mascots ....... You can't really figure out who they are inside.
Friday, April 25, 2003 11:34 PM
Finally!
Compre exams are over. Thank God! Now I can get on with other important matters in my life (as if the exams weren't important). I don't want to talk about compre. Yes, they were hard. And I don't know if I passed or not. Hopefully, I did.
Don't you just hate it when things like these happen to you that could have a very significant effect in your life? I bet teachers would just like to play God when it comes to situations like this. And to think it's our future that they're fiddling with.
Okay, I am not starting this blog right.
Again.
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Finally!
Compre exams are over! So what do I do? Well, I was planning to drop by the gym and finally start on achieving my goal, but then a friend needed me, so I had to stay a bit. I attended my last meeting for VIARE as President to evaluate my term. And then, I went to watch a movie with my lovely niece. I needed a break from analyzing too much and we opted to watch the most babaw movie in megamall. I am not a fan of Amanda Bynes, but What a Girl Wants is a really nice movie, especially if you just want to feel good for a few hours or so. Plus Oliver James is absolutely, positively gwapo! But they should've picked a better title. It reminds me too much of Christina Aguilera.
The movie is based on the play The Reluctant Debutante by William Douglas Home, which they made into a motion picture in 1958.
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Still can't believe that I am now back to being a VIARE member. It's not such a big deal really, but it feels weird nevertheless. I've always thought that theater would be perpetually part of my life... But maybe it's time to outgrow this childish desire...
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Oh, almost forgot, Colin Firth dancing in black leather pants is totally worth watching the sixty bucks I dished.
Thursday, April 24, 2003 11:18 AM
Something to think about.
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 6:07 PM
Comprehensive Exams: Day Two
Have you ever felt that you have reached that certain point where your brain just doesn’t want to function anymore? Like you just can’t process anything because you’re just plain exhausted? And that you’re not in the mood to do anything really except lie down and hope to God your headache will go away soon because there are still a lot of things you need to do?
That’s exactly how I feel right now. My head hurts and I’m too tamad to psyche myself up to go to the gym even though my ever-expanding body is starting to horrify me. I just feel drained.
Too drained, in fact, that every time my friends or my roommates talk to me, I always have that dazed confused look, and then I’d say, “huh?”. The funny thing of all this is that my friends also share the same… uh… difficulty in understanding simple sentences. This is what comprehensive exams do to a person.
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Well, two down, one more to go. I think I did a lot better today than the other day. The last exam was just horrible.
This headache is getting unbearable. Later.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 10:27 PM
Big Surprise
I checked my grades online today. Oh my gosh! I knew I love Fr. de Torre, but after today, I am completely devoted to him. He gave me a flat 1.0 for my Work, Culture, and Economics subject.
After the hell I went through this semester? This is definitely the best reward. Not even the J-man can depress me right now. After all, philosophy is definitely one of my favorite subjects.
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Now that I've thought about it, if ever I went to Ateneo instead of UA&P, my specialization would be AB Philosophy. Part of me still wants to get the degree. Well, i'm still young... got plenty of time to pursue this.
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Got the second compre exam tomorrow. El Dios me ayuda!
Monday, April 21, 2003 11:24 PM
Comprehensive Exams: Day One
Try answering this question:
“There is an inherent tension between the global economy based on market principles and domestic economies based on state interventionism”. Compare the individual experiences of Asian countries as they react to this inherent tension.
Individual experiences of Asian countries?? Kung pwede lang sana mag-litanya ako habang sinasagot ko yan.
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I have a really bad feeling about my answers this morning. Don’t want to think about it.
Bahala na.
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What irked me this morning was this: the J-man telling us that we can extend all we want and then taking it back. I was pretty much confident I could answer everything. Exam started 9:30, by 12:30 he suddenly announced to conclude answers by 1pm. And I was still in question number 1. *sigh*
He was really being a jerk when he finally said that we need to submit so that he can go to his meeting in Makati. Grrrrr!
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I got a 2.58 in one subject. Passing grade is 2.5. I failed. Guess who was the teacher?
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So how am I going to tell my parents I failed by 0.08? Hmmm?
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Anyway, what cheered me up today was finally meeting my boss for the practicum. I got the job I wanted in the Institute of Corporate Directors. Whoopee! It was supposed to be a job interview but in the end, I was really the one asking the questions. A bit of info on Stefan (my boss): he’s an Indonesian National, worked for the World Bank, married a Filipina (which explains why ended up here in the Philippines), insists that I call him on a first-name basis because it’s Indonesian custom.
So, I am not tied to a desk. I only report to Stefan twice a week. (I have the option to work at home, but most of the time I’ll be doing field work). My work is mainly research and designing a curriculum for corporate directors on corporate social responsibility, business ethics, and corporate governance, also I get to help out in a conference for public leaders. (can’t elaborate, it’s classified as of now). I can use the facilities in the Institute, plus I get to meet renowned political economists.
And get this, the office is located in the RCBC plaza, one of the most beautiful buildings in Makati. The office is really amazing --- plush carpeting, glass offices, nice view, ganda!
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Hmmm… forgot to ask if I get paid for this… Kinda broke right now.
Sunday, April 20, 2003 3:41 PM
Easter Shmeaster
I do not want to spend Easter alone again. Went to the mass at 7am this morning and sat in the back. Usually, I’d be seen in front with my cousins and my niece where I could see and hear the priest without any problem (and Church Boy too). But today, I wasn’t myself. Okay, I feel independent in the sense that I can go to masses alone, but on Easter? Never happened, never should happen.
What’s the big deal? It’s just another day… Contrary to what many believe, it’s far more important than Christmas. My logic is that if I spend Christmas with my family, then Easter should be spent with them too. God! I should be in Surigao right now, chatting with my parents and my lola, playing basketball with my brother, and hogging the DVD player after going to mass in the morning. Hehehe! What else can I do in a remote place during Easter? Don’t have those fancy shmancy Easter bunny-celebrations. But what I miss the most is my favorite spot on the beach just a few kilometers away. There’s a small cliff over there where I used to just climb and then click away with my SLR during sunsets. And then, if we’re lucky, we’d borrow a boat and go island hopping.
Uh-oh, getting dangerously nostalgic over here.
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So I texted him “Happy Easter!” And he just replied the same thing. If ever it was possible to copy and paste on SMS, he would have done it. A lot of people have told me not to, but then I wanted to, Easter kase.
Pathetic, I know. Shouldn’t have done it. But then I’m kinda glad I did. Finally confirmed that I am no longer needed, even as a friend.
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Time to move on.
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Got comprehensive exams tomorrow. How do you study for the compre really? It’s just not possible to compress two years of studying. I am nervous. If I don’t pass this, I’ll never get out of UA&P.
But then, how do you have hope when the course itself sucks the very life out of you like a dementor?
The most awful realization sets in like a cold shudder: I never even prayed for what I’m going to go through this week.
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Still crossing my fingers for that typhoon to come back so that school will be closed tomorrow.
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My mom and I fought on the phone. After a very heated conversation, she realized she wasn't getting anywhere, so she unleashed the secret weapon. Hours later, my sister called, I haven't spoken to her in weeks, and here she is, talking like she knew my predicament the whole time. Of course, I can't really explain everything that happened. For the life of me, I am sick and tired of explaining why I am not graduating this year, so I just shut up.
Never mind the fact that she got the wrong information. Some of it was right... If she only knew...
Saturday, April 19, 2003 9:16 PM
Que tengas la paz y la plenitud de la bendicion y la esperanza del domingo del gloria!
That you shall all have the peace and the fullness of blessing and the hope of this glorious Sunday!
Happy Easter people!
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Currently debating on whether I should text him or not. After all, it is Easter Sunday... it's more special than Christmas (I texted him on Christmas... he called me on Christmas)... Holy Days like these know no strife... and no resentments either.
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Okay. Fine.
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Going to mass tomorrow alone. I'm putting a very vulnerable self in Church Boy's view. No matter. I'm going there to worship God, NOT him.
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It's days like these I wish I have my family with me. --- My, my, my... I'm actually missing people now. Bad for sense of independence.
11:27 AM
Blah
Just as I thought, PAGASA made another bad forecast. I thought that Typhoon Amang was supposed to be here last night. There's not even a single whisper of a summer breeze outside. It's pretty hot, seriously scorching hot. Don't mind a little rain...
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Why is there smoke coming from the school?
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One thing to keep me going in pol: after this week, practicum starts. I heard that the NGO I'm working for isn't such a slave-driver, which is good. Maybe finally I could take it easy.
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So should I go to fifth year? Hahahaha! If ever I can get in... hmmm... Remember that movie Center Stage? Well... I sorta feel like the main character --- she had the passion, but not the feet to do hardcore Classical Ballet. So she decided to take classes outside the Academy and found that she was meant to dance Modern Ballet. She had the spunk and most of all, the passion to dance, which was never really valued by her dance instructors because of their arrogance... Well, do I have the passion to be in political economy? I would say yes. But I don't have a great mind. This ordinary procrastinating mind of mine has a very different learning curve. Too different in fact, that maybe another approach to learning would be needed. And this is why I think I should take the year off and explore the world as the twenty-year-old wanderer that I am and then go back to school next year. This isn't my idea, it's actually my mom's. Weird? Call it significantly sympathetic to what I have gone through the past four years. She knows that I was born not to stay in one place. I am too restless to ever stop exploring.
So I have a few goals already in mind this year. Call it a delayed New Year's Resolution or maybe just a set of specifics from the generalized motto I thought of at the beginning of the year. This is actually the first time that I feel like I'm going to start living. So thank Avila, I don't have to worry about that paper for first semester. I shall try to fix the loose threads that I have longed to tighten since childhood.
And no, don't have plans to unleash my wild side in such a destructive manner.
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I think I gained a lot after Holy Week. Quite ironic really, since we're supposed to fast. But then, studying is already our penitence --- we just need food to fuel our poor brain cells.
Friday, April 18, 2003 3:38 PM
Never After
At the rate we’re going, I think we’ll be able to answer in the compre that:
a. the 80’s were seriously a fashion catastrophe
b. our prince will come only he just got lost… hopefully a temporary state.
c. Our knights in shining armor will only be acceptable if they will be able to (1) change our grades made by an insufferable so-called human being, or (2) take us (or just me in particular) away from all of this.
d. Drew Barrymore and Renee Zellweger still irritate us despite their acting capabilities.
Yup, lots of serious students studying over here!
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Blasted teenagers hogging the pool last night! We were in the mood to take a dip pa naman.
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Seriously frightened, nervous, and frantic about the compre. Don’t know why I’m still blogging.
I am that scared.
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Damned high school batchmates! All texting to tell me that they graduated already. They’re all island hopping --- probably drunk somewhere in the Philippine Deep. What joy!
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When the hell is that typhoon coming over to the Philippines?
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See… told you the war in Iraq was a big doozy.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003 6:20 PM
May Mr. John Lawrence Avila, Director of the Institute of Political Economy of the University of Asia & the Pacific BURN IN HELL!
4:07 PM
Game Over
It’s game over, folks! Time to hit the books again. After a semi-sem-break of shopping in Greenhills, going to the parlor, watching Kim Possible, eating isaw, cheese sticks, and halo-halo everyday, it’s now time for one big reality check: comprehensive exams are less than one week away, and it’s high time we start cramming.
And so my pol eco kada move in my flat across school. Imagine three (soon to be four) girls bringing in readings in BOXES --- readings worth two years of pol eco subjects ranging from pol eco theories to development theories, from international economics to international relations, from policy analysis and design to diplomacy and foreign policy --- yes, I will be brain dead by the time I start my practicum work.
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One of my friends saw the J-man eating alone in Potter Meals. Now that’s actually sad. Here you have one powerful man in the institute, holding (ruining, rather) the future of twenty-eight fourth year students, and running a dictatorial regime up there in the 7th floor faculty room, actually exposing himself for an assassination attempt. Had I been there… he would have run into my knife more than ten times… hehehe…
Alright, kidding aside, it’s actually really sad. How many times have we noticed him not eating lunch with his colleagues or his students? How many times have we noticed him hanging out by himself? Walking around the promenade like he’s wearing a sandwich board that says: LONER? More than several. Does this mean he is really that despised by everyone? I would think so… I mean, what would possess his secretary to wish him to “burn in hell” if he wasn’t… well, infuriating?
I suddenly grew a heart like it’s an unwanted tumor… Nakakaawa sya, kung tutuusin ang daming galit sa kanya.
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The whole week’s worth of slumber party, I mean studying, starts. I can hear Claire munching the tostillas away while reading through the introduction to international political economy. I can see Benette in the background walking from the couch to the dinner table and back in an attempt to understand comparative politics. Aileen will be joining us tomorrow. And here I am blogging away. Hehe! Nice one.
Aside from the readings, Claire also made sure to bring five really cheesy movies to watch. I don’t mind watching Brendan Frasier in With Honors and Drew Barrymore (though she irritates me) in Ever After after hours of reading through systems of governments and what have you.
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As usual, I became the barista a.k.a. taga-timpla ng kape. Already bought a kilo of Baraco Coffee Beans to suffice four women in the next few days. Even if starbucks is just nearby, we don’t really have enough money to buy an expensive cuppa every single day. My percolator is ready for action. My apartment will be filled with the sweet aroma of coffee day and night.
And of course, don’t forget the glutaphos.
Monday, April 14, 2003 11:41 PM
things
There are just some things that I want to have:
--my wavy hair back, sure I’d love beautiful straight hair as the next person but this is ridiculous. A bunch
of friends have told me it’s nice. (it looks like real hair na daw!@!, so what the hell was my hair
before??) what ever made me decide to get it relaxed in the first place?
--the remote, so I can turn the TV off because John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland has
already been played three times and it’s irritating the hell out of me.
--nice, comfy, sandals. Not too girlie, not too boyish either. Just plain, simple sandals.
--enthusiasm to go back to the gym coz I’m getting flabbier by the minute, but then, sobrang
nakakatamad! Gaaah!
--zero calorie halo-halo, so I can eat all the halo-halo I want in this scorching weather.
--my license, so I can drive wherever and not feel guilty for the dirver.
--my own apartment, so I can paint my own room with a sun and stars motif, and splash the whole flat with wrought iron furniture and beach stuff. I miss Siargao!
--supreme intelligence to master all pol eco lessons of the past two years for the comprehensive exams next week.
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Things I don’t really need right now but want to have anyway:
--him as a boyfriend. Enough said.
--free enrollment in that gallery of fine arts in Katipunan.
--a month in Tanghalan to study directing in community theater.
--a part-time job
--a chance to be fluent in Spanish and Italian.
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things that I really hate:
--the cheeky song! Ugh!
--dirty nails
--delinquency
--very determined perfume salesmen, sure they’re making a living, but they are just too damned
persistent. My roommate and I were literally pursued in Rustan’s one time.
--boredom.
--people who fret and nag and rant about their bodies and their grades. I refer to the extreme ones.
--the J-man
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on other things that I want but are too far off:
--work as a UN volunteer in one of those transition administrations that rehabilitate war-torn countries or
newly-formed states like East Timor. Yes, this is my dream job.
--act.
Sunday, April 13, 2003 11:26 PM
A day without papers (or exams)
Biggest regret of the day: getting my hair relaxed. Not only does it mean that I have finally given in to the many requests of people to get it straightened (its wavy kase), but it’s a loud testimony to my ever-growing vanity. Now I totally wish I hadn’t done this but couldn’t pass up a free parlor session with my cousin.
Biggest lesson: don’t get a cheap hair relaxing treatment unless you want your hair to resemble a paintbrush. Grrr… Well, it needs a trim anyway…
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Just talked to my mom on the phone. It turns out that my eleven-year-old brother hasn’t come home yet. It’s already ten-thirty at night and my mom is getting frantic. Funny that she called me when I can’t do anything about it. I’m forever stuck here in Manila and she’s down there in Mindanao.
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Biggest satisfaction of the day: footspa and pedicure! My feet are officially happy! Yippee!
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Went to mass at 7am. I think that cute guy who serves at the mass every Sunday knows that my niece and I have a “light” crush on him. He was smiling at us kanina… Hehehe! He looks like that actor (Danilo Barrios ba yun?), but then he walks really funny. Hard to describe it. I won’t na lang. I don’t want to be evil.
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Dad told me that my two-year-old niece can sing Leron Leron Sinta now, with an American accent. Hehehe! How cute! Miss her soooo much!
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I bought a chopsticks bag today! It has two perks aside from being a nice handbag: the handles are genuine chopsticks so if ever I get desperate to use it, I won’t go hungry, (or I can use it to poke some snatcher if ever they get ideas of grabbing my bag) and it’s reversible: mucho practical!
*sigh*… My boyish traits are slowly wearing off… No wonder my mom is calling me more often nowadays.
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And while I’m at it, naiinggit ako kay KC! Ang ganda ng debut nya!
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Damn! Room is still a mess and I got people sleeping over tomorrow. Still haven’t found the sandals I want. Didn’t see anything feet-worthy in Greenhills.
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GeeZ! if you guys, noticed the poll on the left bar of this blog that's been there for weeks, 50% of the voters actually think that the husband should hook with the fil-am. hehehe! kayo ha!
anyway, here are the stats: 40% think husband should throw the girl out, 5% said husband should kill the fil-am and 5% said husband should kill self.
Saturday, April 12, 2003 10:58 PM
Catharsis
Finally, the semester is over. I am relieved. Happy? Yes! Satisfied? Um… yes, in a weird way. I have appreciated the past few months (and years even) in a purely subjective way, so if ever you disagree on some thoughts I shall relate in the next paragraphs, you have the commenting thingie at the bottom to air it out.
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Here I am, its ten at night and I am not planning to be awake for the rest of the night. I shall get the well-deserved, carefree sleep I have longed for the whole semester. My life again crumbled yesterday, and guess what? I am still happy.
Weird.
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On Academics. Of course, this comes first, as I am, after all, a student. I am not graduating this year. In fact, I might be delayed for not just a semester but another year. (Some things I just can’t control). Of course, plans change. One of my physical therapist friends say that our plans may not be the ones God wanted for us. I am gradually accepting this. Plans change because life is full of unexpected things that we can’t control (imagine how boring life would be if ever that happened) and I can’t stop myself from thinking what I have done for the last four years in college.
I am not delinquent. This I know even if some of my grades say otherwise. Sure I got high grades, I also got low ones. Certain “sparks” of brilliance only show in my transcript after a few “competent” marks. But I am thankful, nevertheless.
Of course I have questioned the system (my course teaches me so). Do grades really matter in real life? I would say no for two reasons: my working friends say they do not; and I don’t believe they truly represent the intellectual capacity of a person. However, one realization came to me the other night: Had I gotten the grades I wanted, the 1.0’s and the A’s, will I still question the system?
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I know I could have done better, but given the things I have accomplished --- the things that really mattered to me --- I still would not trade them for a chance to rewind my college life.
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On Extra-curricular activities. I have accomplished a lot. I have two main things to be proud of: I was once a President of the best org in school (I told you this is pretty subjective); and I was Head Commissioner of COMELEC for two consecutive years. I am also proud of the other stuff I have done. But I am entirely satisfied of the lessons I have learned in terms of dealing with others. I will not trade the leadership skills I have acquired and the not-so happy moments under pressure.
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On Friendship. I am immensely grateful for the circle of great friends I have. They are the ones who have seen me for who I am (and accepted). Without them, I couldn’t have gotten through the things I underwent. Words can’t really justify the small things that they have done for me that prove to be miraculous in more ways than I could ever think of.
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My roommate of four years is leaving tomorrow. She might move out… I’ll miss her. So, as a parting gift, I gave her the whole season two of Smallville on VCD. I got a hug (she never does this) and that was all the thanks I needed.
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Things to do tomorrow:
1. go to the 7am mass
2. clean my room (finally)
3. get a footspa and a pedicure.
4. buy new sandals.
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Ate isaw in UP Diliman! Mmmm!!
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why is it that every finals week, my computer crashes? Good thing I partitioned my drive…
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Oh, and Lai, here’s the pic you requested. Hottie!! My gosh! This crush thing is getting out of hand.
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I still haven’t gotten the pictures from the party… this is getting frustrating.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003 4:14 PM
This is why God made the Internet
And this is why God made the internet. Meet Andrea Pierre Casiraghi, Prince of Monaco. I am sorry but I am not one of those girls who would shriek at the sight of Prince William or Justin Timberlake or any of those boy band personalities. I believe that crushes are meant to be on guys that I meet and talk to, just the ordinary example of the male species that walk around school.
But this! This is different. (Yeah, right!)
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This will wear off soon. But I can dream in the meantime, can't I?
7:39 AM
Isn’t it ironic?
I love that song by Alanis Morissette, especially right now. Everything in my life is simply ironic --- from papers to exams, from roommates to underwear. It’s just simply too ironic. And I have observed three consecutive reactions from myself whenever an ironic situation comes up:
1.I get depressed, or act like it until I get depressed. Sounds weird? Well, I admit it. I succumb to depression, and there are rare times when I force myself to be sad just to get a good cry. I was a cry-baby in high school and then I became a rock in college. The thing is, I became too much like a rock that I forgot that feelings are part of being human too. And so I’ve learned that it’s okay to let it all out --- but this I do when nobody is looking or else I’ll die. Music in this state usually involves Diana Krall and other lonely jazz ensembles.
2. I get really pissed with the world. Okay, so I don’t exactly get really angry to the point that I yell at every person I see and then mutate into an axe murderer. Just normal delayed teenage angst would be scratching the surface either. My Sagittarian nature explains that I am outspoken, I say what I really feel, and I do. But I don’t get to the point that I curse the person I am mad with. That is just too petty. However, I only become outspoken when I am trying to keep myself from bursting --- on very special occasions only.
3. I just shut up and do something more productive. My personality exams in school have always said that I have a balance in being an extrovert and an introvert at the same time. Split personality? Very possible. But the silence just indicates that I am thinking --- not of ways to kill a person, although the thought did cross my mind --- of plans A, B, C and so on, anything that involves my life. And while I am doing this, I am listening to what I call “empowering” songs (in other words, noisy and upbeat songs so I can release all that negative energy).
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why have I suddenly blogged about this? I’d tell you but then I just remembered that there might be an unintended audience to this blog.
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Basta!
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Last night, I dropped by my friend’s birthday bash. I saw her “love of her life” (well, used to be anyway). Damn it! Although I have said that he was cute when we were in freshman year, but I can’t believe how much he looks like him now!!! I just had to go home coz I couldn’t stand it any longer. Besides, the party was full of happy, graduating people. Felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb.
Sunday, April 06, 2003 11:21 AM
PaaRrT-EyY!
Try taking a bath at quarter to two in the morning, then sitting in front of the computer (coz you can’t wait til tomorrow to post something in your blog) with the fan at full blast to dry a really thick mane like mine. This is how I look like right at this moment. I can pass for Sadako in a Halloween Party.
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Just got home from a party for the org I headed. Today (or yesterday rather) is the last day of my term as President. Awww…
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The party was on the roof deck of the condo I live in. It was our last celebration after a wonderful year of theater and production. Now, there are certain advantages and disadvantages of having a party at your place (or on top of it). Advantages: you can go home if it gets boring or for any other reason. Disadvantage: I’ll get to this later.
I was just sitting in the corner like the usual wallflower that I am, talking to Ms. Maro and Kim about productions, my plans to go to Sydney and the extremely chaotic life in political economy. Everybody else was drinking and smoking. Some people were screaming their heads off as they were trying to push each other to the pool. Unfortunately, while I was talking about finishing school next semester and getting a part-time job, Travis comes up to me with this sinister look on his face. That wicked smile was starting to make me uneasy and I heard Tin in the background practically shrieking my name. LJ was telling me to grab hold onto something, which I did: I held onto the wrought iron balcony like my life depended on it.
The next thing I knew, Travis pulled me. Someone else was taking my shoes off, and this other guy was checking my pockets for my cell phone and keys. (How benevolent these people are! Now IF only I was a perverted person, I would have liked this… hehehe…) I was screaming my heart out. The guys dragged me on the floor. I was being dragged not carried, but dragged on the wet floor; my white shirt gathering every trace of dirt.
They finally threw me into the pool. And there went the new pants I bought, soaked with chlorine and God knows what else was in that pool. But no matter how ironic it sounds, it was one of the memorable moments in my life.
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I'll post pictures from the party as soon as i get them from Elber.
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The big disadvantage is getting reprimanded by security because we were an hour past curfew. We had to clean up. The cabana was a huge mess. The floor was wet, and this meant my death with the condo administration the next day.
The thing is, I couldn’t stand the idea of how dirty the cabana was despite the fact that we put everything away. So after my friends left, I just had to drag my niece back to the roof deck and she and I cleaned the place up. Picture this: I brought the only cleaning instruments I found in the unit --- walis tingting and dustpan (I couldn't find the mop) --- and I started sweeping. I felt so guilty about how wet the marbled floor was, I just had to get rid of the water. Joni put all the trashbags on the side for pickup the next day, while I, on the other hand, gathered every empty bottle of beer, plastic cup filled with liquor, soda and cigarette butts. Thirty minutes later, the cabana looked so clean, it seemed like the party didn’t happen at all.
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Ang cute naman! nakahanap ako ng pic ng walis ting-ting sa net.
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This is extremely surprising. I was never a neat freak. If my room was any messier, I would need a map just to go to the bathroom. And most of all, I can’t believe I cleaned the whole cabana and poolside! Kulang na lang pati ang CR lilinisin ko. But even I am not that desperate.
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Didn’t get drunk. Damn!
Thursday, April 03, 2003 8:51 PM
Taking a Lighter Perspective
This is probably the most moronic thing I’ve ever read on the internet, funny too. I can’t quite decide if its creative when it is the exact opposite. But one thing’s for sure, if this guy has a site meter, imagine the hits he’d get per day.
On the other hand, This one is definitely a good laugh. It’s supposedly the journal of a well-known TV personality… game ka na ba?
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Mr. Umali asked for my final resume and transcript of records today. The Institute of Solidarity in Asia is already asking for them. Practicum, here I come! Ey, maybe if I do a great job this summer, they’ll put me in the permanent payroll… who knows?
PCCI is looking for a speechwriter. I think I’ll apply for this one too. Of course, not as a permanent job… might be good while I’m still studying. I’ll be the “voice of the big shots”.
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And then my dad texts me: ”Take up one thing and do it, and before you have seen the end, do not give up. Those who only take a nibble here and a nibble there will never attain anything. -Vivekananda”
Sure.
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Saw Dr. Terosa today and he actually praised me about my final paper! He said that my arguments were very clear. And then he asked me if I crammed it… Umm… hehehehe!
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Finished two papers! Eleven more to go!
At least it’s progress.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003 8:11 PM
Why I should be in Mandaluyong Right Now
1. If I was in Mandaluyong right now, I wouldn’t be pulling all-nighters every other day to meet my paper requirements… I missed a deadline today because of this group presentation… Gusto ko ng magmura.
2. I am PMS-ing.
3. I’ve been PMS-ing for the past two days and I already snapped at everyone. I’ve been bitching about everything especially school. If looks could kill, the following would be in the morgue:
a. the J-man
b. the J-man; and last,
c. the J-man
---but to be fair at least, he didn’t murder our group presentation this morning… which is good…
4. Finished one paper, but still got 13 left. And then I got a group project in Diplomacy and Foreign Policy that feels like a high school collage rather than a college requirement.
5. Have not slept for twenty-four hours. I am literally a threat to human existence.
6. My zit is getting bigger. I am definitely a threat to human existence.
7. I am going to DLSU library tomorrow… hopefully I’ll find something on the Treaty of Elysee that is not in French.
8. who am I kidding? This semester will be the death of me. Might as well go to a mental hospital and go crazy than getting killed from lack of sleep and stress.
9. From the words of the beloved Calvin: “Reality continues to ruin my life!”
10. I still miss him.
11. I have the silliest high school crush on the Futsal coach. (He smiled at me today! Yey!)
12. I lost my sanity because of calculating the averages of Philippine External Debt from 1980-2001 the whole night.
13. Finally made the mad decision of not pursuing the MA anymore. (Studying Philippine External Debt is frustrating… I don’t think I will be able to help this country from paying US$45457 Million).
14. Final Exams are next week.
15. Comprehensive Exams are after Finals.
16. Practicum after Comprehensive Exams.
17. Not graduating… (yup, still bitter… and now I got more reasons to tell --- good for another blog)
18. I am gaining weight faster than you could say “flabby”.
19. My futsal practical exam was moved to Saturday. I must be crazy to want to see the coach this weekend.
20. And certainly the most important of all: I want to get some sleep
Tuesday, April 01, 2003 8:30 PM
Parlez vous Francais?!
Sadism: n. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
Yup this is the day of the sadists. (I wouldn’t be surprised if the J-man was born today.) Remember it was this day three years ago when someone made up a sick joke about the Pope dying? Oh yeah, I remember that… I said a little prayer that day after receiving the message in text.
And to think that nobody actually sent me a message today about April Fools! No jokes, no pranks, no graphics… nada! Niet! Nothing! As in wala!
Oh but the day is still, in my opinion, the day of sadists.
Case in point:
My friend and I planned since last week to go to Allianz Francais to research about the Treaty of Elysee at one in the afternoon today. My friend called up Allianz yesterday to ask if there were any materials on the subject. The librarian was very accommodating. She even told us repeatedly that the institute was abundant with research material on the topic. She pacified our fears of not coming up with a research paper due in two weeks. I spent three hundred bucks for the gas without any complaint. I was relieved to see everything going so smoothly… that was until we discovered one little detail.
The librarian forgot to mention that all “research material” we wanted was in French.
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I was seriously expecting all those French Nationals in that library to jump out and say, “April Fools!”
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And to top it all off, I have a really huge volcano-like zit on my nose. Perfect timing! Tomorrow is the last day I’m going to see Futsal coach!
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I went country-hopping today. According to international law, all embassies and foreign councils are to be considered territories of their respective countries. So in one afternoon, I went to France, Germany, and Australia. Going around the world in eighty days in a balloon is a thing of the past. You can do the same with a half-filled tank in just four hours.
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Finally got my application form for University of Sydney. I already missed the deadline for the July semester this year. No biggie. I’ll go next year. Which means I get this year off! Mwahahaha!
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Don’t you just hate it when certain things happen to you that automatically transports you into this bout of nostalgia? Well, my roommate joked that she “sprained” her thumb because of texting. Coincidentally enough, I sprained my thumb few months before and that was how we met and got close… (he’s in the medical profession).
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Yes, you can sprain your thumb.
