I remember Greece and the cypress trees (in Greek, they are called kyparissi). The bus ride to Preveza reminded me of Van Gogh's paintings literally bathed in daylight. Cypresses are beautiful. I want to have one in my yard. If ever I get my own yard, but that's an impending dream. Cypresses are beautiful and Frances Mayes was right, they are creepy. If you watched Under the Tuscan Sun, you'd agree: they hold too many secrets.
I want to be in Europe right now. I long to get lost there.
If you remember the intern, he's here in the Philippines for one last hurrah before he starts working for IBM. This may be the last time I am going to see him.
I am looking for a label. I don't know why, I just want one. Something like "eternal optimist" without the cliche.
* * *
Tuesday, August 30, 200510:52 AM
I hope to make amends to myself. I've been neglecting me since I got back from Greece, no actually, since way before that and I think I am getting burned out.
It's not that I don't like my job, I love it immensely. I just don't know how I can keep up lately.
Chorale has always been a great distraction, but I feel too spread out there's none left of me I believe.
My apartment's a mess and I sincerely believe that if I can't even make up my bed when I wake up in the morning, then there must be something seriously wrong with me. I just don't have the time to cook, clean, iron my clothes, etc. etc. I'm too exhausted when I get home!
Plus I am sooooo broke.
I honestly don't know what to do. And even if I did, I don't have the energy to start anything.
* * *
Wednesday, August 24, 20051:07 PM of highlights, masters degrees, and kitchie nadal
Last night the Chorale had rehearsals with Kitchie Nadal for her performance of Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin at the MTV Awards tomorrow in Araneta Coliseum. Yes, we are singing back up. Think Gospel rendition of her chart-topper single. Who got that idea, I don't know.
But I won't be there at the Awards because I decided to give up two minutes of MTV fame to go back to the islands and celebrate my dad's 75th birthday at his request. I will be back on Monday.
I am thinking of taking one of the MAs that I plan to take. Hay... I really want to do a lot of things but at least I'm now making an effort to start doing one of them. Good luck to me.
I am getting bored with life now. And this means that my hair will soon undergo treatment. I had highlights last time. I am thinking of getting it cut really short and come to work with spikey locks and a new funky wardrobe. BUT as usual I have nothing to fund my insanities with. So I'll be just looking at the dull, morose, mousey brown hair for the next few weeks till I save up or till I get really fed up and splurge.
From a political economy perspective, different crises pounding the Philippines left and right affect lives in one way or another. I keep saying that here at work, online, or in any normal conversation, but I never really grasped how it can affect me.
In 1997, the Philippines, was crippled by the Asian Financial Crisis. Banks all over the country suffered significantly, and as soon as my dad heard of the latest bank run, he decided to merge our little rural bank with another as advised by the Central Bank. True enough, the bank survived, but everything hasn't been the same since. It no longer carried the name that my dad worked on for two decades. And I said goodbye to the tellers that watched over me when I come over after school, the security guards who smiled at me with a special warmth, and the manager that I had a huge grade school crush on.
This morning I placed a long distance call to my mom's office to tell her I got her fax. The person who answered the phone just asked, "Sino mommy mo?" (Yes, she is still my mommy, sissy of me I know.). Usually it was Tita Brenda, my mom's sister who would answer the phone, and we'd chat a few minutes before she'd give the phone to my mom. That didn't happen today (in fact, I got kinda embarassed and put the phone down hahaha).
And it will never happen again.
Funny. She's been saying that she was planning to sell the Shell Station since April because business was really bad. Oil prices are high and though I felt the dent on my wallet for Bembol's gas consumption, I never really thought my mom was serious.
And there goes another crisis, shaping my family's path. I'll be going home this week for my dad's 75th birthday and I guess I'll never get to do what I did in my previous coming-home trips: visit the station, chat with the pump attendants, make fun of the mechanics who knew me since I was in diapers, and of course, my weird disgusting nostalgia for childhood whenever I smell gas being pumped into the tricycles.
Those were the days.
* * *
Wednesday, August 17, 200510:39 AM now even friendster is telling me to save up
For you, money is something to be enjoyed, shared and used for the common good, but a more fiscally conservative side of your personality is emerging right now, which may not be a bad thing. After all, generosity is a desirable quality, but in order to be generous, you have to be sure that you have resources to draw on. Break out a calculator and work your finances. Make sure you can take care of yourself as well as others.
I am broke. I want to go back to school but I have no moulah to pay for it.
Well I confess, I am really bad at finances. I was never good at managing my money not in the sense that I spend for every item in the mall I see. I just happen to have a lot of um... financially-challenged loved ones. I am really feeling the burn now since I took out most of my savings for the Greece trip and I have no one to kick in the ass but myself. But then, I got to sing at the Parthenon and I would gladly sell every single thing I own for to relive the experience.
But that's one thing about me and selling stuff. I'm too much in the nonprofit, non-stock, NGO mindset that I can't imagine being in sales. Geez, I probably can't sell water in the desert even if there's a gun pointed in my head.
Basta. The point in this entry is this: I need money (Who doesn't?). I need to make sound financial decisions because apparently, my life does depend on it.
Pwede bang maghanap na lang ng sugar-daddy? Yeeesh.
* * *
Tuesday, August 16, 20051:35 PM state of emergency
Well not exactly.
I just have a meeting with the BPI Board of Directors tomorrow morning regarding their Corporate Governance rating in the Corporate Governance Scorecard we crafted here at work. What's so the drama?
Did I mention Jaime Agusto Zobel de Ayala is going to be there? (Who, I've found out, has one flaw: he schedules 7AM Board Meetings).
Saturday, August 13, 20051:21 PM now back to regular programming
I can never understand how insensitive people can get when it comes to dealing with a person who got her wisdom tooth extracted. Okay, okay, maybe the word "insensitive" is too strong a word. Let's just say, um, OBLIVIOUS.
Oblivious to the fact that it when one gets a wisdom tooth pulled out, it involves a lot of PAIN. Especially, when one's jaw got drilled because the f****** tooth was impacted. (I never swear in this blog ever so this goes to show that I am really really in need of morphine).
Anyway, now that I have established that yes, I am, indeed, in a lot of pain. People as mentioned above can be oblivious to this. Two examples. One, my friend insisted that I watch a movie with her afterwards and had the gall to make tampo because I politely cancelled. Politely, mind you, because even with all this pain, I managed to maintain human-like qualities.
Two, one of my nieces insisted to meet up in a mall in another city because she and I have to shop for gifts for two lucky debutantes. Again, I declined though she says she is thinking positive and I will change my mind later this afternoon. Not a chance. I value my freedom too much to risk homicide especially on a family member.
But I have learned some valuable lessons from this experience, like never drink alcohol even two days prior to the big dental event. It actually diffuses the effects of anesthesia i.e. giving one more pain. Freak! If you don't want to look like you're silently sobbing during the suturing process, then lay off the red wine, even if it was to ease dysmenorrhea. I begged the dentist to gave me another shot of anesthesia, and she scolded me for not telling her that I belong to the rare species of having anesthesia-immunity. Hmmm... I don't think I do, at least from what I can gather from our conversation about alcohol and its effects on surgeries.
Well, I have two more culprit-wisdom-teeth that I can apply my recently gained knowledge in the world of wisdom-tooth extracting.
Oh God.
* * *
"There are things out there that I want to discover, that one day this will all make sense... I am searching for the meaning of this cosmic existence that we're in. And
probably when I find the answer, I'll go and look for the anti-thesis."
5 THINGS
1. I sing in the University Chorale of the University of Asia & the Pacific, and we swept four gold medals in Greece for our very first International Competition. I got to do my two absolute favorite things: singing and traveling.
2. Although I am an Alto Two, my range widens up to Soprano One when I am drunk. Think Charlotte Church's Flower Duet. (I think it has something to do with swallowing the diaper pin when I was a baby). Dancing barefoot in debut parties may also be expected.
3. I work in an non-government organization focused on private sector development. It involves sleepless nights in the office and the constant worry of displeasing a former Secretary of Finance. My other two bosses are harmless.
4. I like my men in uniform. The Military has always been a fascination of mine even before when I was finishing a BA degree in Political Economy.
5. I no longer watch The Bold and the Beautiful much to the joy of friends and family.
