Tao of Alba

TAO OF ALBA

Friday, September 30, 2005 10:54 AM

it's all in God's hands now

I sent my UP application yesterday through LBC. It should arrive today before 5PM, or else I will sue LBC for breach of contract and fraud. (I admit to being hostile when my future is somewhat threatened.) So far, the package has been forwarded to delivery according to their online tracking service. I am nervous. One is really growing old when nervous-ness is not as nerve-wracking as a few years before when I applied for my undergrad.

The hardest thing to do for that application was writing the letter stating why I want to take the program. I ended up writing a full page last minute. I'd like to share a few excerpts:

Dear Sir, I do admit, it is not easy to write a letter of application. Application guidelines require that I state my purpose in taking the program, MA Comparative Literature, and the specific fields that I wish to pursue. I have been pondering on a reason that is supposed to strike an impression. Alas, I cannot think of any brilliant, impressionable ideas. I have resolved to a safe answer --- blunt honesty.

The truth is, I have loved literature all my life, fully and unconditionally.

I re-read the letter today and the opening clause is still drawing mixed feelings. i shouldn't have written it this way. But maybe, just maybe, the rest of the missive will save my ass.

literature is the never-ending story of the human mind

With more than ten units of literature classes in UA&P’s College of Arts and Sciences, I could never have enough of it. Literature wasn’t just a class I had to pass, it was an escape. Literature was, and still is, the opportunity for my mind to wander to another place and time, surreal and real. It is my skylight to gaze through across national borders, cultures, genres, periods, arts, and even the physical and social sciences. Literature is an honest account of human imagination, or perhaps the human genius itself.

here comes the bola

Well, it really depends on how you look at it. This is really honesty straight from the gut.

My purpose in taking MA Comparative Literature is selfish since my decision to apply was born out of addressing a personal need. For the last two years in UA&P, I specialized in Political Economy because I am also taken with the mission to engage in development work, all for the love of country. Literature, however, remains a constant solace in the ups and downs of my involvement in this country’s growth. I have come to realize that the only effective way I can contribute to this country’s development would be to encourage my own personal growth as well. Literature will always play an important role to my own pursuit of personal fulfillment.

and of course, don't forget the grand ending

Entering the program will be starting clean again. I look forward to graduate from it having learned more than what I expected. I hope for your kind consideration.

That's it, folks. The parts I cut out had the gory details of how I was thrilled by TS. Eliot's Murder in the Cathedral and how I enjoyed traveling to the cold depths of Dante's hell in Inferno. Nerdy stuff that comprise my unbearable weirdness of being.

* * *
Friday, September 23, 2005 10:13 AM

this is the crazy person writing

Of all mental disorders, well, it's NOT exactly a mental disorder, I want to have synaesthesia. It's when your senses are shortcircuited and everyday stimuli affect the unexpected senses. I read about it when I was 18 (hahahahaha 4 years ago, am getting old) in Daughter of God, a suspense/thriller that I picked up in the grocery while babysitting my sister's kid. Now I think our choirmaster has it. He's a synaesthete because he always compares sounds to colors. It's like he can see reds and purples when the chord is flawless. In fact, he told us one time during rehearsals when the University President was sitting in, "You, on this side, are singing all yellow. On this side, it's all orange. I want everything to be orange..." We understood what he meant and gave him the correct chord. And until now, the University President is still perplexed about how we were able to understand what master meant.

Maybe it's because music is a universal language. It touches the very core of your soul and takes you through different planes. I always get goosebumps whenever I feel we are singing beautifully and I know the audience is riveted as well. It's surreal. But I wonder what it's like to hear orange and reds, purples and even, yuck, pinks. I wonder what it's like to "see" notes when I look at a painting's rich colors. Will I ever hear an orchestra when I see the Mona Lisa?

It's a new fascination of mine, really. But my obsession is not enough to convince me to take hallucinogenics. Nuh-uh.

You can read more about synaesthesia in wiki.

And speaking of mental, um, unconventionalities, I think I have AD/HD. Yes, I am your friendly neighborhood hypochondriac. See, there goes my mental health.

lot for sale/lease

My pimples like to reside in one permanent address: right under my left nostril.

Now if I were a zit, I think I would like the grand view instead of the insides of a nose. I'd pick some prime real estate like the top of a forehead for example, for great visual advantage. Any zit can fantasize they're on Titanic and yell, "I'm the king of the world!"

I'm telling you, it's all about location, location, location!

(I hope Seinfeld gets to read this pimple entry, it holds such great stand-up potential.)

* * *
Wednesday, September 21, 2005 4:55 PM

oh shut up

Step back and analyze a recent conversation -- tiny details offer valuable clues.

How does one deal with another person's insecurities?

Honestly, when am I going to grow super-human patience for people (that I apparently love or else I wouldn't be as exasperated now) who waste their time worrying about their so-called flaws? I feel as if they are in a black hole and as much as I want to pull them out of it, I can't. They have to do it themselves. And besides, I have my own black holes that I have to get out of, thank you very much.

Maybe the current arrangement is not so constructive. Or maybe I am just burned out from work, chorale, MA applications, etc etc...

Although I was under the impression we were in this thing in the first place because it was a non-issue???

what a dickhead

My boss can be such an ass sometimes. I say that with honest objectivity because I've been in love with him since the day I met him. Thank God I am NOT OWNED by those I am infatuated with or in love with.

* * *
Tuesday, September 20, 2005 11:58 AM

At 7:30 AM, I've already made an ass of myself. My phone bungled my schedule because I was waiting for an SMS which came an hour later. Anyway, I rushed to the Breakfast Roundtable venue (Tower Club in Philam Life), parked and ran like mad after giving my boss some of the stuff I was carrying with no apparent introduction like "hi JJ, can you help me with the materials?" or "hey JJ, sorry I am late..." or "Hi JJ, I would like to die now... here's the projector and laptop."

Nagkalat ako. To the point that my boss said, "I think this is yours" and handed me the Philam Life parking pass. That would have been 300 pesos down the drain.

As soon as the elevator hit 33 I ran to fix up the projectors without even saying hi to the waiters or the participants who were already there. Rude much.

When a thirty-minute preparation was done in two minutes, I was able to breathe. And then I realized I lost the parking pass again. Someone must have gotten it from the registration table thinking it was his... darn...

At 7:45, Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Governor Tetangco arrives and the Roundtable discussion begins.

Eeeep. We forgot the official receipt. The participants handed in their cash already. Security comes in and announces that they found my missing pass. Thank God.

And then the worst of the worst happened. In the middle of Gov. Tetangco's speech, my phone blasts out my techno ringtone. (Ironically entitled, "Not late for work".)

I really wanted to die. But instead, I spilled boiling hot coffee all over my shirt, pants, and *gasp* my beloved shoes, not to mention the flyers, newsletters, and registration sheets. The room was so freakin' quiet, my phone sounded like it was invoking Satan himself.

Heck, I wanted to be buried alive. No dying necessary. What was that line Bundi taught me? Oh yeah. Earth, eat me na...

* * *
Monday, September 19, 2005 8:15 PM

you are what you say

Indeed.

When the secretary says "Sige! You go and multiply!"

My mind didn't miss a beat. I imagined a glass of water being poured over my head and I was actually growing another me gremlin-style.

But the accountant was different.

She immediately answered before I could open my mouth, "2 times 2, 2 times 3... etc. etc..."

* * *
Friday, September 16, 2005 4:06 PM

quite a frightening prospect

Sometimes, I dislike my mother so much, I want her to disown me. Sometimes. Now my biggest fear in life is no longer the possibility of meeting the supernatural or an extra-terrestrial but the inevitable process of becoming just like her.

Let it be later rather than sooner.

another rainy day

It's been drizzling all morning and when you're in the 24th floor, you get to have a good view of the "action". The drizzle, tiny specks of water sailing on wind currents, brought me back to my last visit in Washington DC. It was snowing, the last snowfall of that winter. White glorious. My uncle said Mother Nature made sure I'd get to see a winter spectacle before I go back to the Philippines.

It snowed an inch that night and it was already enough for me to see a winter wonderland.

if you have one, why not have two?

I know that the President of the Institute is filthy rich and it's really a joy to see that a retired San Miguel Corporation President can have the sense of humor of a the common tao. Anyway, I received a call today from the Service Center of BMW. "Ma'am, may please speak with Mr. Eizmendi?"

"I am sorry but he's out of the office, can I take a message?" Yeah right, even if he were here, I can't possibly transfer your call without you telling me who you are first.

"Ok. Can you please tell Mr. Eizmendi that his BMW unit is due for maintenance? The unit is blah blah blah..." Yeah, okay, car maintenance. Sure. Got it.

I sent an SMS immediately to Mr. Eizmendi just like any diligent staff would. "Hi Mr. Eizmendi. Someone just called the office to remind you that your BMW is due for maintenance already."

"Thanks, Tess. Did she say which car?" Aba, of course, if I'd have a retirement pay like that why would I have just one BMW, right?

After finding his mechanic through our database, I finally got hold of the person who called and got the details I wanted. My. Two BMWs must be really disorienting if someone calls in to say one of them needs a maintenance. I was very much amused at the idea until I checked my "Sent" box for the message. What I actually texted him was this:

"Hi Mr. Eizmendi. Someone just called the office to remind you that your car is due for maintenance already."

And all this time I thought he was having a hard time figuring out which of the two BMWs he had to bring to the shop. It turns out I was actually referring to any car in his garage. Let's see... the Expedition? I brought that in last month. The Benz? Which one? Hehehehe...

Mr. Eizmendi can be so cute. In my head, at least.

* * *
Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:51 PM

the stars could never be so right

SAGITTARIUS. There is no known antidote to the travel bug, so you're dealing with a lifetime affliction. If you're not away from home now, then in the back of your mind, you're planning your next getaway.

The messenger just happened to read the comics section of the Philipine Star when I saw this. I have something more than a bug, I think. I am obsessed with seeing the world. It's all Frances Mayes' fault. I am currently reading her sequel to Under the Tuscan Sun entitled, Bella Tuscany. Now I want to bathe in the Tuscan sun and get lost into orchards of olive trees.

Therefore, I am now implementing my own austerity measures. Let's see if I can do a better job than the government.

* * *
Tuesday, September 13, 2005 12:27 PM

don't you just hate the world sometimes?

I think my depression is back. I was a bit depressed a couple of weeks ago and my PMS-ing sort of created an angsty bitch out of me. Sorry for the language. I don't feel like roses and tulips today. It's probly dysmenorrhea.

No. This entry will not go there.

The Economist released special reports on the need for overhaul in the United Nations and the academic business of offering higher studies. I am sad. Partly because I love Kofi Anan and the UN but it's becoming a bureaucratic monstrosity that will probably commit a blunder similar to the US's Katrina disaster management. Or *gasp* it probably already has with that Iraqi oil-for-food programme. There will be dark clouds over the UN in the days to come.

Excuse me for babbling about my intense desire for world peace and global economic prosperity. I am a nerd, I know.

I have to be backpacking in Europe at 25. It will be the cheapest age to go because as soon as you turn 26, the Eurail will be insanely expensive, and cheap hostels will not let you in.

My 65-year-old Harvard economist of a boss is watching cartoons right this minute... How cute.

* * *
Monday, September 12, 2005 4:24 PM

not another "bloody" entry

Let me just enlighten some assholes out there na nagmamagaling when it comes to womanhood.

It's a very bloody business. I mean it quite literally.

And it doesn't quite stop there, oh ignorant morons of the earth who claim that women have it made.

There's the dysmenorrhea, the cramps that men will never understand. It's really the culminating kick in the stomach when your opponents are down writhing on the ground.

And if you're lucky enough, you get through five days with that icky feeling, like you need a bath every thirty minutes. There's also that bloated sensation too, like there's something attached to your abs. Worst of all, you've convinced yourself that you're the ugliest cow on earth. All this trouble brought about by an body part that's just two thumbs wide --- the uterus.

So do me a favor, rambling idiots who think that all this is just a petty female excuse. When you make comments about women and their periods, don't just air-quote. Make sure you've actually grown ovaries, fallopian tubes, uteruses, and vaginas before you dismiss the idea entirely.

* * *
Friday, September 09, 2005 9:43 AM

am PMS-ing again

Pinoys tend to stare at people who wear unconventional outfits.

Like today when I went to work in my kurtis. With all the staring, I had to keep convincing myself, 'yeah am wearing an Indian dress, so sue me...'

Unfortunately, the staring got to me.

So I asked my office mate (to fish for a compliment or a confirmation that I look normal today, which was totally against the whole point of wearing something different while the bosses are away). "Hey Charo, do I look pregnant in this thing?"

"It's okay. Uso naman ngayon ang preggy look"

I think I just got what I deserve for fishing for compliments.

And now I have a whole new reason to feel self-conscious. Shit. I look like I'm pregnant???

Lesson learned: don't try to draw attention on such a delicate time of the month. I can't wait till the "monthly bill" comes when my hormones will be in check. Right now, I'm just getting through my day, ignoring evil thoughts of murdering people unreasonably (and reasonably).

* * *
Thursday, September 08, 2005 9:56 AM

can't wait for the next undertaking

The reaction of two amazing friends from yesterday's post was overwhelming. Thank you both.

fyi

I spoke to a Counsellor last Monday in IDP Education Australia and I am currently registering for an IELTS Exam in November. I need everyone to cross their fingers please.

office boo-boos

The Admin officer recently installed an electronic bundy clock in the office. I have a hard time pronouncing its name because I often think of Bundi. Anyway, all of us are so used to not logging in and logging out whenever we're in the office, we've committed some mistakes that gave the admin-officer-slash-accountant some serious headaches come payroll time.

Hopefully, soon, I will master this "toot-toot" thing.

i like these things

Your Birthdate: December 9

Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature.

You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous.

You are ever sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you are very sympathetic and compassionate.

Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations.

This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

* * *
Wednesday, September 07, 2005 10:56 AM

I love having breakfast with the Dean of College of Arts and Sciences of UA&P. And every time, I'd get misty-eyed. I just had to email him when I got to the office:

Dear Doc. T,

on UA&P

Thank you for breakfast today, I truly enjoyed it. I look forward to it every time. And after each time, I always feel like I got in touch with my roots, like I somehow transcended space and time and heard my college self talking. It's a treat to do what I did today, because each time we talk I feel like I am once again in UA&P and reliving one of the best experiences in my life. They say that high school is the most memorable stage. For me, it's not. It will always be my college life. UA&P has given me something that no other institution could have given me and that is UA&P itself. Just like there's no other course as Political Economy, there's no other university. (Now you can just see how much I love our school... it's not always strawberries and ice cream, there will always be a few nuts...) I still remain adamant about reforming the Institute of Political Economy. (hahaha)

on my insecurities

Thanks also for sharing the story about Con-con and Mr. Leuterio. I know my heart belongs to teaching (and I've known this since grade school when I bought boxes of chalk even though I am allergic to it) and in time, I will get to do it. I just want to prepare for it. That's how special it is to me. I always believed that there's a story to each person. I am a romantic since I always think that there's a reason to every little thing no matter how incomprehensible. I think I am happily writing the story of my life. And for sure it will contain the fact that although my academic performance was never spectacular, I believe I was not altogether dismissible. Besides, you think I was already spectacular as myself, and that would always bring tears to my eyes.

joan of arcadia

I forgot to share one thing I learned over the weekend. I was telling you about correcting my so-called “principles” right? But I never got to explain. Grades never meant anything to me and that would always make me a rebel against the world of organized excellence (it's organized because most actually judge you through the numbers that you've acquired, and it's hard to get scholarships if you have the low numbers). Do you ever watch that series on ETC called "Joan of Arcadia" where Joan, the main character, can talk to God? Anyway, she reminded me so much about myself: basically above average but she wasn’t really into getting all the A's in school until God told her to enroll into the Advanced Chemistry's Honor Class. There were two lessons from that first episode: the first would be through that class, she would meet her friends, the social outcasts, for the rest of the season and trigger a ripple effect of amazing deeds etc etc. But the second woke me up like the irritating persistent way my mom would knock my bedroom door in Surigao, it was beckoning and unforgivably… truthful. God, through the guise of a Garbage truck driver, said to Joan, "try not to underachieve. You are special, Joan, you are my instrument. Not many people can talk to me like you do. So have a little pride in yourself."

O diba, nice noh? I finally found a more substantial (and sustainable) reason in pursuing higher studies.

And hopefully I will be able to start teaching next school year.

Until the next breakfast.

By the way, I am putting a copyright on the term, "organized excellence".

* * *
Monday, September 05, 2005 10:18 PM

I feel like I'm in one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Heeeeeeeelllllpppppp!!!!

I'm stranded. Can't go home coz of the flood... Don't want Bembol to swim, he maybe everything to me but he's no fish...

* * *
7:16 PM

I think I am deaf. Not as in deaf deaf. But deaf as in I annoy people by constantly asking them to repeat everything.

Am going to the ENT on Wednesday.

* * *
Friday, September 02, 2005 9:14 AM

memorias de Mexico

I saw a man in a cowboy hat walking along Buendia on my way to work today. Wow. You can never see any cowboy hats in this part of the world. I must have looked like a moron through the taxi window since I couldn't stop smiling. How can a man in a cowboy hat just suddenly make my 3-day long depression disappear?

Maybe it was because the first thing that popped into my head was my Mexican adventure. Mexicans wear their cowboy hats proudly, like they don't need anything else, like it was an insult to being Mexicanos when you don't have that huge brim over your head. Seeing that man made me think in Spanish and I wish I could have understood myself. I'd love to see Mexico again and hopefully, I'll be able to communicate more than my kindergarten phrases.

told you that man was a mistake

And speaking of cowboys, have you ever noticed that whenever there's a natural disaster, Bush is always in Texas for a vacation?

i know my life has gone haywire when horoscopes speak to me

Has communication reached a stalemate between you and a certain someone? That's not surprising. Ignoring it won't make it go away, although that might be your immediate instinct. While on the surface you may have reached a resolution, a deeper issue is lingering and upsetting you both. Express yourself, and you'll rediscover a whole new level of honesty and connection that was previously stifled by all that was unsaid.

Okay. As long as he and I don't have "the talk", I'll be just fine.

* * *
Thursday, September 01, 2005 5:01 PM

The latest project here in the office is the impending reform in the Philippine Military Academy. What a coincidence. And how fitting considering things that have happened for the past three months.

I'm getting boring. I can feel it.

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